Pairing: Big Bang gen, really. But G-Dragon/Seungri at the end, kind of.
Rating: PG? PG-13 if language is an issue.
Notes: For gdheartri's contest about Big Bang having superpowers. Basically, this is a superpowers AU! You have been warned.
Summary: “We’re here to discuss what kind of sexual favors Seungri had to perform for the Powers That Be to get super powers and what kind of blasphemy it is that the magnae – the magnae – is cooler than the leader.” People get superpowers. People who are not Jiyong. This is a problem.
It was all those goddamn growth hormones – Seungri knew he shouldn’t have taken those vitamin pills from Jiyong, probably shouldn’t have combined them with Seunghyun’s coffee – but one day he wakes up and realizes he’s floating about five feet above his bed.
He screams and probably would have fallen promptly to his untimely death had Jiyong not been sleeping on the floor (he remembers again why Jiyong is his favorite hyung forever and vows to buy him a real bed once he makes enough money from Strong Baby). Instead, he just lands awkwardly on top of Jiyong, crashing his jaw into Jiyong’s shoulder and almost breaking all of his teeth.
“Oh my God,” Jiyong’s voice cracks out from somewhere underneath Seungri. “What the fuck – what the hell is wrong with you I think you broke my face you asshole what the fuck were you thinking?!”
Seungri winces at this rather impressive display of Jiyong’s breath control and struggles upward. “Hyung,” he says morosely. “Hyung, I think I can fly.”
Code Red Emergency Band Meeting Operation: Our Maknae Woke Up and Could Fly (or CREBMO: OMWUCF) is called to order by Jiyong, by way of Executive Order #3 (#1 had dealt with the lack of clean razors in the house on Jiyong’s Leg-Shaving Day and #2 had dealt with Jiyong’s short but delightful sojourn in the wonderful world of instant messaging).
“So we all know why we’re here today,” Jiyong says, looking around the table at everyone (except Daesung, who valiantly resisted all attempts to wrestle him away from his video game) impressively.
“Yeah, we live within like five feet of each other,” Seungri mutters under his breath and Seunghyun quickly disguises his laugh as a hacking cough when Jiyong whips around to stare at them beadily.
“We’re here to discuss what kind of sexual favors Seungri had to perform for the Powers That Be to get super powers and what kind of blasphemy it is that the magnae – the magnae – is cooler than the leader.” Jiyong’s indignant speech ends with him pointing a finger at Seungri accusingly, as if he asked to become a freak overnight.
“I think what’s really blasphemous is how you just used ‘sexual favors’ and ‘Powers That Be’ in the same sentence,” Youngbae says, wrinkling his nose. He falters under Jiyong’s unblinking stare and gives up. Jiyong’s in one of his Moods.
“Hey, wait a second! I’ve always been cooler than you.” Seungri scowls at Jiyong, eyes narrowing.
Jiyong pats his cheek affectionately. “Oh you poor, delusional soul,” he says, pulling his face towards him. “I see the powers have affected your head. Come here, hyung will keep you safe.”
“Don’t – touch – me!” Seungri shouts, but Seunghyun catches the smile on his face. He rolls his eyes and is about to say something about rape and dating but before he can, Daesung rushes into the room, eyes wide (for once) hands gesticulating excitedly.
“GUYS,” he says. “GUYS LOOK, I CAN MAKE LASERS COME OUT OF MY EYES.”
He demonstrates by laser-ing their kitchen clock. Jiyong’s mouth falls open.
While Seungri jumps and squeals, feeling closer to Daesung than he ever has, Jiyong starts banging his forehead on the table, complaining to Youngbae, the only person who will listen sympathetically, about how unfair it was, he was the leader after all, Seungri and Daesung didn’t even write the songs or have to sacrifice their beautiful hair for the sake of fashion or anything, what the fuck.
“I hate Seungri and Daesung,” Jiyong mumbles under his breath, curling up under a blanket and glowering at the world in general.
Seungri and Daesung don’t notice.
Instead they make happy noises (of course, why wouldn’t they, Jiyong thinks angrily - they have fucking superpowers) and design superhero costumes with crayon. Jiyong sees quite a disturbing amount of pink being used and he feels even more annoyed – if the universe had given him superpowers, he could’ve helped them design costumes, which would probably turn out looking better than whatever the hell it was they were making.
He gathers his blankets around him and sweeps out of the room regally, stopping behind Seungri and Daesung (of course they were getting along now - they both had fucking superpowers) and looks down his nose at both of them. “You two are five,” he announces.
Seungri doesn’t even look up. “Shut up hyung. You’re just jealous. Don’t worry. We understand, don’t we, Daesung-hyung?”
He looks at Daesung, who high-fives him. Then they go back to coloring in their stupid costumes (which, upon further inspection, don’t really look that bad despite the copious amounts of pink).
Jiyong wonders murderously if Youngbae would be okay with Jiyong killing two of their band members.
“No I wouldn’t!” Youngbae shouts from two rooms over. Then – “wait, did you say that out loud?” Then – “oh ew, no Seungri, red will not look good with pink.”
Jiyong drops his blankets on Seungri’s head and wonders miserably what he ever did to God to deserve this totally unfair not-having-of-superpowers.
“Youngbae, you traitor,” Jiyong says sulkily. “I thought we were best friends. Best friends!”
“We are,” Youngbae says soothingly, patting Jiyong’s arm.
“Then how come you can read minds and I can’t even like, I don’t know, make gumballs appear out of my fingers or something?!” Jiyong cries, swatting Youngbae’s hand away waspishly. “This is so unfair,” he mutters again.
As if right on cue, Seungri comes floating through the kitchen door. “Hyung,” he whines. “Hyung, Daesung-hyung just lasered my Justin Timberlake CD! The first edition one! Hyung, this is so unfair. Hyung!”
“Quit your whining, magnae,” Jiyong snaps. “Youngbae and I have important things to discuss.”
Seungri sniffs. “I don’t think you complaining about how unfair it is that we have superpowers is considered important.”
Jiyong stares at Seungri. Seungri stares back for a while until finally he floats back out through the kitchen door, muttering loudly again about how unfair it was and how Jiyong was just jealous but it’s not like it was his fault or anything, God.
“Don’t take God’s name in vain!” Youngbae calls after Seungri mildly.
“…sorry hyung,” Seungri replies sulkily.
Jiyong is in the middle of a long and unhappy speech to a sympathetic Youngbae about how he was leader and didn’t seniority count for anything and just how unfair it was and how come magnae and Daesung got the coolest superpowers (“No offense, Youngbae, but reading minds is kind of useless.” “…none taken, Jiyong.”) when Seunghyun stumbles in through the door, squinting blearily and pouring himself some coffee.
“What the hell are you complaining about so early in the morning,” Seunghyun asks through a yawn. He puts his hand on a burn mark on the table that came from Daesung’s trigger-happy instincts and when he takes his hand away…the mark is gone.
Jiyong stops in the middle of his tirade and looks at the spot where Seunghyun’s hand, and the burn mark, had been and then looks at Seunghyun, mouth agape.
Seunghyun notices the look and inches away uncomfortably. “What?” He asks. “Youngbae, what’s going on? Why’s Jiyong looking at me like that?”
Jiyong lets out an inhumane shriek and stomps away. Seunghyun remains rooted in his chair, scared now for both his life and Jiyong’s sanity. “Er,” he says.
Youngbae pats Seunghyun’s hand gently. “Don’t worry too much, hyung,” he says comfortingly. “Jiyong’s just a little high-strung these days.”
“Oh my God, cool!” Seungri exclaims from the doorway where he had been hovering around, avoiding Jiyong. “Oh my God hyung, you’re so cool! Hey, do you think you could fix my CD?”
“So, what you mean is, I can…fix things that are broken or destroyed or whatever – ”
“And heal people!” Daesung chips in brightly, holding up an arm where a rather nasty bruise had been before Seunghyun had unwittingly grabbed him.
“Er, yeah, and heal people. And Daesung can make lasers and stuff come out of his eyes. And Seungri can fly and Youngbae can read minds?”
There’s a collective pause as Jiyong sulks. “Yeah, that sounds about right,” Youngbae confirms.
“Cool,” Seungri says, eyes shining.
“Sorry hyung,” Daesung says to Jiyong apologetically.
“Don’t mind me,” Jiyong sniffs. “Just go have fun in your little – your little superhero congregation or whatever. I don’t need superpowers. I’ll be like…like Batman. Yeah. Batman.” He sweeps a critical eye over all of them. “Magnae, you can be my Robin.”
Seungri, inexplicably, blushes. “Okay, hyung,” he says blithely, at which Daesung’s jaw drops and Youngbae sighs, shaking his head. “Sorry guys.”